Dont blame your self
if some on step on my foot. the first word will come out must be 'hey!' or if i can control the anger my heart will say 'its painful man..can i step on ur foot back?' and if that guy did apolagise with 'sorry'. will you forgive someone just because of those 5 letters? i am very sure its hard thing to do right? that work on us as a human being. but not our god Allah. The Most Gracious, Most Merciful and the one and only that can forgive all our sins. sometimes, even you cant forgive your self but HE allready forgive all your sins as long as you dont worship HIM with anything else.
Kecuali orang-orang yang bertaubat dan memperbaiki (amal buruk mereka) serta menerangkan (apa yang mereka sembunyikan); maka orang-orang itu, Aku terima taubat mereka dan Akulah Yang Maha Penerima taubat, lagi Maha Mengasihani
Surah Al-Baqarah : 160
Yesterday i search for one song entitle 'Anybody There' by The Script, then i read quiet intresting comment;
'this song is about wanting to be good but why to be good if no one around you is? and if you took the right path and got to heaven would you really find anyone like you in there?'
i stress out this particular part "got to heaven would you really find anyone like you in there?". do you think heaven is for someone who perfect? always on the right path? never committed any sins?. well all i know only Prophet are protected from committing sins because Allah help them. meaning no bodies perfect and the one that will enter heaven also have commited their own sins. dont put our self so low until we think 'why should i pray for HIS forgiveness because i know i will do it again and i am a bad person'. because Allah always open HIS arm waiting for you to come back.if not, why all the solehin and solehah crying every nights to seek HIS forgiveness allthough they commit sins everyday
Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa; sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihan
Surah Az-Zumar : 53
if we still cant forgive our self..here is one Hadith qudsi. do we think we bad enough? Allah can forgive everything
Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) : He quoted Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) as saying to his companions that : a man from among the early people or from those before you had said a word, i.e Allah had blessed him with wealth and sons. When death approached him, he asked his sons : How was i being a father? They replied : You were the best father. He said : I didn't save or perform any good deeds for Allah. If Allah takes possession on me, He will punish me. So look! when i am dead, burn me until i become coal then crush me well and scatter (my ashes in the air) on a stromy day. The Prophet (may peace be upon him) said : He took a covenant from his sons (and died). They did according to his will and spread his ashes in the air on a stormy day. Allah, the Exalted, asked him : O my slave! what induced you to do what you did. He replied : It was YOUR fear (so i may not appear before you). The Prophet(may peace be upon him) added : Allah the Exalted rewarded him with HIs Mercy ; the Prophet(may peace be upon him) said second time : Allah did not punish him
(This hadith is sound and reported by Bukhari dan Muslim)
the thing is, maybe sometimes we do blame our self after doing salat taubat.because we do the same mistake again and again. but dont lose hope. as long we fear of HIM, insyaAllah HE will help us get through.