am i gay?

The first question I asked my self when I am watching Azwan Ismail’s confession was, ‘am I gay or something?’.

Here is my background, I am the eldest son and my siblings are all boys. And then I spent my 5 years in all boys secondary school which meant to be Sekolah Tuanku Abdul RAhman Ipoh (STAR IPOH). Then now im a student in Zagazig University taking medical course but still stay in a class with all boys for 2 years. If you total them up, im 7 years in all boys class and the clock still ticking

The term gay was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree", "happy", or "bright and showy".The word "gay" arrived in English during the 12th century from Old French gai, most likely deriving ultimately from a Germanic source.For most of its life in English, the word's primary meaning was "joyful", "carefree", "bright and showy", and the word was very commonly used with this meaning in speech and literature. For example, the optimistic 1890s are still often referred to as the Gay Nineties. The title of the 1938 French ballet Gaîté Parisienne ("Parisian Gaiety"), which became the 1941 Warner Brothers movie, The Gay Parisian,[6] also illustrates this connotation

Source : wiki

When I read this definition, then I said to my self ‘ok haikal, don’t you worry because you’r not gay’. To be honest I love my dad and my siblings. Then I adore my dad. Its can be counted as gay?. Then only Allah’s knows how I miss my STARian gay siblings. We slept together for 5 years, sharing 50 cent drink with 10 other people,did all stupid stuff together and much more. Truly sincerely miss them. But ist make me a gay?

But sadly, now days people understand that gay is a person who is sexually attracted to members of the same sex. If you define gay like this, then you’ r on the wrong track. We can love a guy, We can adore a guy, We even can miss them but not sexually attracted or having sexual intercourse with them!(sodomy)

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.”

Surah Ar-Rum : 21

For me, its ain’t a sin for us to love each other but please, not to do those things. Turn back to Al-Quran. Everything writen there are our future when it comes to ‘ The Judgement Day’. If you don’t believe in anyone on earth then you may speak to HIM privately during solat or you can read what He have told you :

And (remember) Lout (Lot), when he said to his people: "Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the 'Alamin (mankind and jinns)?

"Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins)."

Surah Al-A’raf : 81-82

And when Our Messengers came to Lout (Lot), he was grieved on their account and felt himself straitened for them (lest the town people should approach them to commit sodomy with them). He said: "This is a distressful day."

And his people came rushing towards him, and since aforetime they used to commit crimes (sodomy, etc.), he said: "O my people! Here are my daughters (i.e. the daughters of my nation), they are purer for you (if you marry them lawfully). So fear Allah and degrade me not as regards my guests! Is there not among you a single right-minded man?"

They said: "Surely you know that we have neither any desire nor in need of your daughters, and indeed you know well what we want!"

He said: "Would that I had strength (men) to overpower you, or that I could betake myself to some powerful support (to resist you)."

They (Messengers) said: "O Lout (Lot)! Verily, we are the Messengers from your Lord! They shall not reach you! So travel with your family in a part of the night, and let not any of you look back, but your wife (will remain behind), verily, the punishment which will afflict them, will afflict her. Indeed, morning is their appointed time. Is not the morning near?"

So when Our Commandment came, We turned (the towns of Sodom in Palestine) upside down, and rained on them stones of baked clay, piled up;

Surah Hud : 77-82